yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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