last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
