I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
