who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
