so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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