Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
