They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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