Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
