Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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