Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
