yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize