yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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