my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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