theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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