What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
