Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
