Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
