I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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