the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
