No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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