I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
