Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
