If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
