is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize