is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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