Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
