i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
