Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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