My liver just broke up with me...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
