Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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