We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
