I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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