can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
