Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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