I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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