Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
