so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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