i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
