the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
