puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Every concussion has its silver lining
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
