there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
