I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize