You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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