Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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