dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
