He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
