I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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