I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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