I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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