I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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