I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
