This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
