You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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