I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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