so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
