I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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