i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize