Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
