my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
