just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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