I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Panties = found
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