DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
