i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
