we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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