Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
