insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
