I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
