My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
