is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
