You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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