Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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