what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
